Isaac

October 2013 we decided our family wasn't complete, we were supposed to have one more. However this is not something we decided over night. I have been praying about it for 4 years! For 4 years, I was told not yet, wait for Beau, and it's almost time. Beau was set on not having anymore and usually wouldn't discuss it with me at all. So when I started getting a yes it's time I stopped praying about when we should have a baby and started praying that Beau would be open to the idea because I was on board. Some people wonder why I would want more, I say why not? Some people wondered how I could handle 2 kids with special needs and a baby and I said, yes I can. So yes our baby was planned, and prayed for. We conceived quickly, I have been blessed in that aspect of having children. I had terrible morning sickness and was later diagnosed with early onset gestational diabetes. I was warned my baby was gearing up to be really big, like over 9 lbs big. I bought all 0-3 months clothes for my big boy. At 32 weeks while Beau was out of town, my water broke. I had just tucked kids into bed,finished sewing a baby bag, and was in the bathroom when my water started leaking. At first I thought I was being paranoid, but soon it was gushing and there was no mistaking it. I called a friend, her husband was out of town,I called a second friend, she was out of town. But within a few minutes I had ladies at my door to take me to the hospital and another on her way to stay with my kids. Beau changed his flight home for the next morning. I prayed for several things. First that Beau would make it home in time, and second that the baby would be ok. After 2 days of not being allowed to sit up and having to lay in the same position they did a C-Section and delivered Isaac. I would not wish that on anyone. It was the worst thing I have ever gone through. Isaac came out screaming and was rushed to the NICU. He stayed there for 3 weeks and was discharged quickly considering how early he was. Since then, almost a year later he has grown and developed normally. I decided to nurse him and started pumping. About 2 weeks before his due date I began to try and nurse instead or pump, it took a week but we got it! He overcame a tongue tie, 2 bouts of thrush and several clogged milk ducts. I wanted to give up several times but my husband encouraged me and a wonderful friend who is also a lactation consultant helped me and I am thankful they did. After bringing him home he wouldn't let me set him down for longer than a few minutes, it was a long 4 months. He hit all of his milestones on time for his adjusted age and about a month late for his actual age.He is now a well adjusted almost 1 year old. Time flies.

12 years ago

12 years ago I labored all night in my tiny little apartment alone without Beau. 12 years ago I made my best friend Mary stay home from work because I didn't want to be alone. 12 years ago Beau walked in the door and saw me sitting on the couch timing contractions. 12 years ago he asked if he could take a shower before we left. 12 years ago I gave birth to my little Daniel in Wichita Falls TX 12 years ago I met the boy who made me a mother and changed my life in the best way. 12 years ago I was a 19 year old girl who I'm sure the doctors worried about. 12 years ago my world no longer revolved around me. It was one of the best days of my life and I am so happy I am blessed to be his mother.

He is turning out to be a wonderful young man.

2nd diagnosis

This is a hard post to write, I've been drafting it for the past 6 months. Even though I just recieved the call this morning, I've known for about a year. I also know I am not alone, there are others who have walked this road before me, having 2 kids diagnosed. Then there is my husband who is an amazing Dad and helps me so much. And of course Heavenly Father, who I know is always there waiting to comfort me. My kids are special, they are so much stronger than me, and are turning out to be awesome people. Nathan is so much more compassionate because of his brother and sister than he would be otherwise. There are blessing hidden in all this I am sure of it. I know we are closer as a family, because everyday with my kids is a gift from God. I try harder to make our time together count, I also want to give them more experiences than they have had. Its a weird thing, knowing you have not one but 2 kids who could be taken from this earth before you, if a cure is not found, their futures are so uncertain, and who may or may not go to college, get married, have kids. Who will need you for the rest of their lives. This disease gets ugly the farther it progresses and their is nothing you can do to stop it except pray for a cure. I asked Emma if she was scared she said "Just a little" I imagine she is more than she's letting on since she has watched Daniel and knows thats the direction she's heading. I am scared for her, but I am also being brave for her. She had dreams of dancing in the Nutcracker, she loved dancing until it became too hard for her and she asked to quit. We are trying to come up with things she can do that she loves and will be able to continue even while she loses coordination. I love my sweet girl, and right now my heart is broken. I want to fix them, to take this from them, but then I remember this is their trial, and all I can do is support them and love them. This is their fight, and all I can do is encourage, and be on their side, but also give tough love, and help them fight, because if they don't want to fight they will lose, much sooner. However my faith is strong and i know this is Gods will not mine, and that through him someday my babies will be made whole again, and that someday they will stand tall and walk perfect.

Our Year in Review

In January Beau and I accepted his invitation to rejoin the Air Force as an officer and started preparing for him to leave for OTS(Officer Training School). Daniel was fitted for his first wheelchair. This was bittersweet. In February Beau left us to attend OTS in Alabama, and we found ways to make it work without him. I learned I was stronger than I thought, that I could get 3 kids ready for school without him and how to sleep after kids went to school since I wasn't sleeping at night. In March Nathan turned 7 and we skyped with Beau, realizing just how different Basic training was compared to OTS. I turned 30, and celebrated with the kids.In April we started prepping to move and got ready go see Beau in Alabama. In May Beau graduated from OTS, was commissioned as a 2nd Lieutenant in the Air Force, we drove for 16 hours to see the 5 min ceremony and bring him home with us. Daniel turned 11 and Then we began the house hunting and packing since our orders were to San Antonio, just 2 hours away. In June we closed on our House and became home owners for the second time, and moved down to San Antonio. I was just relieved to be able to stay in Texas. Even though I know it won't be for forever, I want to stay as long as I can. In July we learned the perks of living outside the city limits and watched as our neighbors put on an awesome fireworks show from our back yard. We adopted Loki, a pit/staffy mix. August came all too fast, Nana and Papa came to visit and we went to Seaworld for the first time. Daniel started 6th grade in middle school, I didn't sleep for month leading up to this, but it has all worked out and he loves it. Emma began 3rd grade and was lucky enough to get a really great teacher. Nathan started 2nd and begged to be home schooled until I let him take his football to school. He also began his first season of flag football in which Beau was assistant coach. It was really fun, but I was glad it was over all at the same time. September was our 12 year anniversary and i can honestly say I love that man more everyday! October brought Halloween, but for the first time ever my kids didn't want to go trick or treating instead we watched Harry Potter and hid inside. It was Awesome! November was quiet, and in December Emma turned 9. And all year long I was a full time student working on a Bachelors in Elementary Education. All in all it has been a good year full of blessings and lessons. And for the first time I am not making a New Years resolution!

12 Years and Counting

Tomorrow marks our 12 year Anniversary,running away with Beau was the best thing I ever did aside from going to Jr. Prom with him(our first date). I would say I am so lucky but luck has nothing to do with it. We have worked hard to make it work. We have both improved ourselves, we have fought, screamed(me more than him), and worked through things. There were times I wanted to leave, times he wanted to leave and times I couldn't believe how lucky I was that he stayed. I still remember the first time I saw him, the first words he said to me, the first words I replied, and what we were wearing. I remember all the times he attempted to talk to me, all the times I blew him off. I remember how he stuttered while he struggled for the words to ask me to Prom and how let him sweat it out for an hour before I said yes. I remember what he looked like sitting on my couch while waiting for me to finish getting ready, what it felt like the first time he put his arm around me. I remember our first dance, our first hug and our first kiss. I remember when he asked me to be his girl friend and I made him him for it for a week before I said yes. I remember saying yes. I remember the moment I knew I loved him, I remember the moment I knew I wanted to marry him, I remember the moment I knew I couldn't live without him. I remember when it physically hurt to be away from him. I remember the day I walked into his house and he said "Lets get married!" I replied "I told you yes." To which he responded "like today, right now." I didn't even hesitate, we eloped and said "I do". I remember missing him while he was away at Basic Training, I remember seeing him in his dress blues for the first time, I remember driving from CA to TX 36 weeks pregnant so he could be there when I had Daniel, and living in a tiny, gross apartment because that was all we could afford. I remember the look on his face the moment he saw his tiny baby boy. I remember the way he looked at me when we were kneeling across from each other in the temple a year later, being sealed as a family together forever. I remember the moment we found out we were having Emma, and the look on his face when we found out it was a girl. I remember waking him up at 4 a.m. because it was time to push. I remember him deciding we should wait 3 years before having another baby and the moment God sent Nate 6 months later. I remember him being supportive when I cried "I just had a baby, how will I be able to do 2 this close together?". I remember when we decided on the name Nate. I remember his face the moment he saw Nathan, the moment he brought Emma in to see Nathan and the first time Daniel saw Nathan. I remember all the late night feedings, all of the endless diapers, all the times he got up with sick kids, all the early mornings. I remember the times I didn't want to go to church and he encouraged, all the times he didn't want to go and I encouraged. I remember him prayerfully asking about life decisions. I remember all the blessing he has given me and our children over the last 12 years. I remember him encouraging me to go to school and cheering me on when I thought each new semester was going to be the end of me. I remember the moment we knew something was wrong with Daniel, I remember the day we found out what it was, the moment he decided to go back into the Air Force so he could give his family more than what we had. I remember how hard it was for him to be away from us, I remember how it felt to have him back home. Everyday he kisses me goodbye, every night he kisses me goodnight, and there is never any doubt that he loves me. He plays with the kids, coaches Nate's football team, helps me with chores,helps me with Daniel and is always there for me. It has been an amazing 12 years, and I can't wait to grow old together.

Catch up post.

Beau graduated from OTS, he is now an officer! we bought a house down here in San Antonio. We live in a great neighborhood, a great ward, and we are almost done unpacking. There are few things that need to be unpacked, a few things that need to be hung and few things that need to be thrown out bu all in all we are settling in wonderfully. And our biggest news besides the awesome house with a 92 in projector screen, we adopted another dog. His name is Loki, he is an American Staffordshire terrier. Nathan went to petsmart with me yesterday and we fell in love with this boy! He's 2.5 years old, potty trained, and through all the puppy stuff. He is getting along with Kai and Tika really well. He loves me, like follows me all over the house loves me. He is a rescued dog, who had been chained to a tree and left to die. Seriously, he is the best dog, so we aren't sure why anyone would want to chain him up, but we are thinking his original owners rehomed him and then those people are the ones who did it. He is a big lover! Very smart, he needs to be reminded of some manners, but is doing well so far. The kids are in love and Kai is the happiest I've seen in awhile. I plan on making LOki my running buddy since he's young and has energy.

We are all loving him!I'll upload some house photos later.

Our Assignment

So last night Beau received phone call from our sponsor, welcoming him to our new base. We haven't even been given the official paperwork! It has put my mind at rest and now I can begin planning! We are headed to Lackland! We are so excited!And Daniel can keep all of his specialist up here in Austin!

Another Child lost

As I sit here this morning I opened my Email to see another child who is losing the battle with FA. Too many have died since we joined the group in August. It breaks my heart everytime I read about it because I know unless there is a cure found that will be at least one of my kids, possibly 2, we don't have anything on paper for the second one but I am fairly certain. It is a hard thing knowing all you can do is sit and watch time pass. I am so thankful for my knowledge of eternal families and that even after this life is over I will see them again and their bodies will be perfected through Christ. My heart is heavy today, and praying for the families who have lost children sooner than they should have, to this disease.

We Are Almost Done

This time we've spent apart has made me stronger than I thought I could ever be. When Beau left for OTS I was scared to death. I stood tall, told him not to worry, I would be fine, but I was terrified. Afraid I would fail as a mother while he was gone. He helped so much around the house and with the kids that I wasn't sure how it was going to go. I was afraid to fall asleep, afraid one(Daniel) would need something and I wouldn't wake up, I found it hard to sleep at first and would wait up for Beau's call or text and then fall asleep due to pure exhaustion after it arrived. Over the last month I have learned that a nap can fix your whole week, your kids would rather stay home and snuggle watching movies and eating popcorn than go anywhere, and that I am stronger than I thought. I am so proud of Beau and his accomplishments while he has been away, he is amazing, I always knew he was amazing, but he doesn't always see it so I have to remind him. I think I tell him everyday. Only 20 days left, we still have no idea where we are going and no idea when we are moving but I am learning patience in the process. And this helps me remember why he is gone, to become a leader, to make our lives better, and to provide for our kids. How did I get so lucky?

Plans Change Because Prayers Are Answered

When we separated from the Air Force our plan was for Beau to finish school and go back in as an Officer so almost two years ago we decided Beau would try to get back into the Air Force as an officer. He applied but he didn't get selected, so we came to Austin. In September the recruiter called and asked if he would like to apply again, he said sure but didn't think he would get in, but I decided to put my trust in the Lord and knelt in prayer asking, that the men on the selection board for the Air Force would be inspired to choose Beau if that is what the Lord wanted for our family. A few weeks ago we received a phone call letting us know that Beau has been accepted into the Air Force as an Officer! After much prayer and many talks we decided the best thing for our Family was to do it. Beau has been offered a Computer Engineer Developer job. It is a non deployment position and located at only stateside bases. We are both extremely excited and are looking forward to our assignment.I am so proud of Beau and his accomplishments. He is an amazing husband and father and so willing to do anything for our family. We have such an awesome journey ahead of us.

I was wrong

I was wrong, I thought Daniel didn't notice the stares that people give, but he does. Saturday we went shopping to get Beau some new clothes. While walking through the store I was pushing Daniel, we were wandering around just killing time, trying to keep up with Emma and Nate while Beau was in the dressing room. Suddenly Daniel asked if we could please go home now, he was ready to leave. I asked why and he replied with a I'm tired of people staring at me. I said honey no one is staring and without missing a beat he said she is just as a 2 year old in a cart rolled past. I said she little she stares at everyone. He then told me about the people who had stared. I guess, he does notice it, I just didn't know. Now I'm even more self conscious because I now realize he is aware and it bothers him.

27- Medical devices

Daniel just got a medical ID bracelet, and I am thankful they make these, that there is a way in an emergency and I am not there they can see he has a medical condition and pull out the ID information.

26- my sewing skills

I am thankful I can sew. Not only can I sew I can read a pattern. I am thankful I get to Make Emma cute clothes, my kids blankets, and anything else I want.

25-"Uncle" Dan

I am thankful Beau has a friend, that is basically family, down here. Having Dan here has been such a blessing. My kids call him Uncle, and it's nice to know I have someone I can call in an emergency that will come give blessings or drive Beau three hours to pick up a new car cause I'm too sick, or babysit, the list is endless. I don't think it is a coincidence that we ended up in Austin within a month of each other, by total chance. There definitely was a bigger plan there. The kids love him and he is good at eating leftovers so I let him come over when ever he wants.

This is the kids telling spooky stories with him, one night before bed. Emma ended up doing such a good job she scared herself and woke him up in the middle of the night. haha.

24- Beaus Car

I am thankful for Beaus new car. It's fun to drive and it is nice to be a two car family and have 2 reliable cars.It also saves us gas money. plus Daniels walker fits in the trunk so we can take it when we run errands as a family, if we want to.

Oh and we can't forget Beau looks good driving it.

Black Friday

So for the first time in four years I did not go Black Friday shopping, I stayed home a slept. The only place I went was to CVS to get butterfly band aids and liquid band aid. Because Nathan smacked Emma in the head with the neighbors car door. He wasn't supposed to be playing in the car. Poor girl, however she didn't need stitches and is healing up nicely.

It looks alot better now, this picture was right after.

Tika LOVES Emma, she wanted to love on her. I swear dogs can just sense when you need them.

22- Thanksgiving

This should be a thankful post, But instead it's about Thanksgiving dinner. For thanksgiving we went over to a friends house just right around the corner, she is my best friend here in Round Rock. I was really lucky to have found someone so fast who lived right down the street, who has kids similar ages as mine and who has similar interests as me. We split Dinner duties, I did the turkey and stuffing, she did the rest. I was awesome, and we all had a good time. I did miss family, but it's nice to know we have friends, and than in a few short weeks we can go home and see family.

21- The Park

I am thankful we have a clean safe park right across from our house. I am also thankful it was empty today except for a few friends. It was a nice 80* today so we had a picnic and played for 2 hours. So fun for the kids.

20-Being an Aunt

I am thankful I get to be an Aunt! I have 2 new nieces this morning! Ashlyn was born at 6:24 and Jordyn was born at 6:29 this morning! Congrats Tess Kelly, you are an awesome mom and I am so excited for you guys! I am excited to visit Emily and see her new baby. I love all my nieces and nephews.

19 My In Laws

I have been blessed with wonderful In Laws, they treat me like a daughter and love me just as much if not more than their son. I am thankful they raised my awesome husband, and I am thankful my kids get them as grandparents. I know that if anything were to happen to Beau I would still be welcomed into their home and not just because I have the grand kids but because they love me.